This is a character journal entry I wrote using the prompt, "Oasis," which was posted over on the LiveJournal's The Writing Pen community. I would have to rate it PG-13 for adult content and "disturbing images," as Kalaghata encounters a female demon.
Kalaghata began as an idea for a villain, but he has become something else. I'm still exploring his character, trying to decide if he will be a true villain or just a "good guy" fighting demons from his past. He's still in the early stages of development, so it may take a while to get a grasp on what kind of man he is.
-- All characters and text are copyright (c) 2010 by Lois Eighmy.
Hell's Oasis
I have only loved once in my six thousand years of existence. I will never forget my beloved Narmada, with her silken black hair and her warm brown eyes, her beautiful smile and the sound of her laughter. When she died, a part of me died with her. I could no longer feel warmth or joy or amusement. I had never been truly happy in my life until I met her; and when she was taken away, I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest.
To mourn her death, I went out into the desert. I thought being alone would allow me to heal. To some degree, it did, but it took a lot of time.
When I first went out into what is now the Arabian Desert, my only thought was of getting away from civilization. I wanted...needed...to be alone. I had no one to help me through my grief, nor had I ever had anyone to help me through the tough times with which my life had thus far been cursed. I didn't know how to mourn. I didn't know how to grieve. I was on my own, and I did what I felt I had to do.
I came across an oasis and thought to pass it by, but at the last moment, I decided to stay there for a while. I should have continued on, as I would soon find out.
I settled down that first night, thinking that I would sleep and everything would be better by the following morning. When I closed my eyes, I saw Narmada's face. I heard her voice. I even smelled the scent of her. I sat up and decided it would be better if I moved on.
I walked for several more miles, then another oasis came into view. I passed it by. Again, after walking for several more miles, an oasis came into view. This time, I stopped and sat down under a tree. As I looked around me, I realized it was the same oasis I'd first encountered.
I went over to the spring and drank from it. The water was sweet and refreshing, and I drank until my thirst was quenched.
I looked into the water and saw a sight that filled me with dread. I saw my face, and as I watched, the flesh dissolved away until only my skull could be seen. I jumped back, afraid to look into the water any longer. I didn't know if I had actually seen it with my own eyes or if it had been an hallucination. Whatever it was, it scared the hell out of me.
I got up and continued my journey deeper into the desert. Again, I came across an oasis. Again, it was the same oasis with the same spring and the same pool of water.
I sat down, but stayed away from the water. I was exhausted, and I began to doze off. I don't know how long I slept before I felt the searing pain in my arm. I awoke with a start and looked down to find a cobra, its fangs buried deep in my forearm. I tried to pry it off, but it wouldn't let go. I looked around for a stick to beat it with, but I began to think of my misery. I decided not to fight it. I wished for more to come and put an end to my wretched existence. I got my wish, but no matter how many came, I survived their venom. I could not be killed by poison.
When dawn came, the cobras slithered away into the pool of water, and I never saw them again. As the sun hurt my eyes, I decided I'd better stay put and get some sleep under the cover of the trees. I slept for several hours and soon my body eradicated the poisons in my blood stream.
Twilight fell across the land, and I again headed out into the desert. I encountered the same oasis several more times, each time strange things happened.
I was tired of the strangeness of my experiences in the desert. All I wanted was to have peace and quiet to think and remember. I wanted to remember Narmada as she was when she was alive...when we were in love.
The oasis wouldn't let me have my wish. It showed up every few miles, like clockwork. It seemed to be mocking me in my time of grief. It brought me to the point of wanting to truly end my life.
I went without water for a long time, hoping the lack would kill me. It didn't work. After several days without water, I was thirsty, but still alive.
I tried to hang myself from a branch of the one large, strong tree that inhabited the oasis. Again, I failed. Stretching my neck did nothing to bring an end to my suffering.
I tried everything I could think of to put an end to my grief, but nothing worked. I was still alive, a wretched man living in misery, determined not to let go of my memories of, nor my love for, my sweet Narmada.
Finally, I cried out for an reason why I wouldn't be allowed to die.
I got an answer, and it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my 6,000 years on this earth. No sooner had I asked the question, when a demon rose up out of the pool of water. She had cobras for hair (presumably the ones that had attacked me earlier in my journey). Her skin was reddish brown in color and it seemed to have the consistency of mud. Her eyes were shining like amber lights, but there seemed to be no life in them. She had long fangs and longer claws at the ends of her thin fingers. She wore nothing but the water dripping off of her from the pool of water.
She slowly rose up out of the water and approached me. Fear gripped my heart, but I fought it with all the courage I had within me. My heart pounded as she touched my face. She leaned close and whispered in my ear, her voice sounding very much like the squawk of a crow.
She told me that I had a purpose in life. If I would follow her, she would take away all my pain and misery. She would give me everything I wanted. All I had to do was follow her.
I asked her if she could bring Narmada back. She laughed and said that was too easy. She could bring Narmada back, but only if I followed and obeyed her for the rest of my days.
I told her to prove it.
She snapped her fingers and Narmada appeared before me, just as I remembered her. She was so beautiful. My heart ached for her. My body ached for her. I almost gave in to the demon's demands when I held Narmada in my arms for that one brief moment in time.
Something told me that none of it was real, and if it was, it would be too high a price to pay. I couldn't follow this demon and do her bidding...not even to bring Narmada back.
I did something I hadn't been able to do before. I told Narmada goodbye. I pulled her close and I whispered the words in her ear, “I love you, Narmada, but this is goodbye.” Then I let her go.
The demon screamed, a sound I will never forget. It rendered me nearly deaf for several hours afterward. I stood up and faced her, but I refused to fight her. I still wanted to die, and I hoped she would put an end to it. Instead, she smirked and told me that I would never forget Narmada...that I would always mourn her death. I would never die, and I would be doomed to a life of grief and misery...all because I refused to follow her.
I turned and walked away, resigned to my fate. At least I would have the peace of mind that comes from knowing I didn't sell my soul.
I never saw the oasis again, but I have always remembered it. Being a vampire, I am cursed with a very good memory. I remember everything about my time with Narmada. I remember everything about the oasis. I can see the demon as clearly as if I just saw her today. Everything that has happened in my life, I remember with perfect clarity.
All I can do is try to make peace with my memories. After 6,000 years, you would think I'd be over it, but it's much harder than you would think for someone like me. I am one of the few who were born this way. My abilities are much stronger than those who were turned by venom. My memories are much more acute. They are impossible to shake. I am doomed to remember until the day I die...if that day should ever come.
I have often wondered if I did the right thing in refusing the demon's offer. I could be happy. I could have Narmada. All could be well.
But demons never mean well. I would have had to pay a very high price for having Narmada back. I could never pay that price, not even now.
My decision on that oasis has shaped who I am today. As much misery as I have suffered all these years, I would not change a thing. Everything has happened as it should. I have come to terms with Narmada's death, if not my grief and sadness. I have had closure.
That oasis was one of my worst nightmares, but it also saved me from myself. That's something I would never change.
Kal
Text copyright © 2009 by Lois Eighmy
Today, we're taking my mom to the airport. I'm taking my laptop with me, but I don't know how much I'll be online. I may try to connect from the airport, since we plan on being there an hour and a half before her flight.
